"where would we be without defeat"

Katherine Goforth - Voice 

Claire Forstman - piano

The history of cabaret and other German nightlife performance styles feels very personal to me -- learning about it sometimes makes me feel angry. When I hear the century-old stories about queer performers, it reminds me that I'm fighting the same battles they fought for respect, for space, for voice. It reminds me that the stage work I'm doing doesn't yet represent progress. I'm still just trying to get back to the way things once were. 

I'm deeply moved by the history of these performers. They remind me that, all over the world, even in the times that we were taught were the most trans- and homophobic in history, there were queer people risking everything to live their own lives, to build the spaces in which, like Miss Major said, "they can experience some freedom." It means a lot to me to connect with people like me, even in books. 

I wanted this show to talk about the struggles I've had during the last few years in particular. Visibility within dominant spaces, or invitations to participate in dominant spaces as an out transgender person (rather than a closeted one) haven't taken the roadblocks out of my life or creative work, or given me access to very much money, or invited self-expression. I wanted to show audiences a bit of what it's like to be inside my head, which I imagine is not unlike the experiences that queer German performers were having in Imperial Germany, in the Weimar Republic, or in the Nazi time. In fact, I know that my experience aligns with the experience of trans people of that time. Magnus Hirschfeld documented their thoughts, and I've read them, and seen myself in them. 

I chose songs by Wedekind, Mahler, Schoenberg, Berg, Weill, Eisler, and Holländer, framed by songs by the singer Wolf Biermann and the band Ton Steine Scherben, musicians who come from the post-War generation, the generation after cabaret, that not only connect with Stanford's Mahler and the Second Viennese School theme but talk about experiences in my life. The lyrics are all very personal to me. 

I connect and contextualize the songs with quotations from fin-de-siècle and Weimar German literature as well as the transgender and feminist voices that guide my present-day life. This is what it means to me, like Audre Lorde said, "to be a part of history": to build relationships with people from the past, to let those relationships impact the way I live my life. That is what I want to put on stage and share with an audience. 

Katherine Goforth, vocalist 

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Program

Franz Grothe Nur auf die Minute 
Wolf Biermann Der Hugonottenfriedhof
Arnold Schoenberg Mondestrunken 
Arnold Schoenberg Colombine 
Kurt Weill Pride
Arnold Schoenberg Eine blasse Wäscherin
Frank Wedekind Ilse
Kurt Weill Alabama Song
Alban Berg Lied der Lulu 
Arnold Schoenberg Rote Messe 
Kurt Weill Pirate Jenny 
Hanns Eisler Die Ballade vom Wasserrad
Kurt Weill Youkali 
Friedrich Hollaender Wenn ick mal tot bin
Kurt Weill Alabama Song (reprise)
Gustav Mahler Urlicht
Ton Steine Scherben Macht kaputt was Euch kaputt macht / Hanns Eisler Das Einheitsfrontlied

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Translations 

1. Nur auf die Minute kommt es immer an / Every Single Minute Counts 

It will always come down right to the wire.

You may never know you stood beside the fire.

Someone stands beside you and they never knew,

Someone sees but doesn’t know what they should do!

It will always come down right to the wire.

Sometimes a whole nation’s in the line of fire.

So don’t hesitate, go do what is required,

For it always comes down right to the wire.

It will always come down right to the wire.

 

Narration: Wolf Biermann, Concert in Cologne (1976)

 

2. Der Hugonottenfriedhof / The Huguenot Cemetery 

We go for a walk ‘round the corner

So that we don’t waste the whole day; 

We go to the Huguenot graveyard,

It’s just twenty minutes away.

It blooms in the sea of old houses,

An old flower but still smelling sweet;

We take a few more step further 

And can’t hear the noise from the street.

We tangle our fingers together

And stroll on to go see old Brecht;

His gravestone completely from granite,

I’d say that is pretty correct.

And then there’s his wife, Helene,

Who finally rests by her spouse

From all of the work in the theater

And all of the work in the house.

Then feeling glad we keep on walking,

But we both think while we are kissing,

“How close to us all the dead are, but,

How dead are we who are still living.”

 

Then we meet a little old woman

Who’s tending the grounds on her own;

She smiles as she waves us both over

To look at the seeds that she’s down.

Then she starts to tell an old story:

Rebellion in 1918! 

“The Spartacists shot at the soldiers,

They fired right here on the green.

 

Karl Liebknecht and Luxemburg Rosa,

Well, you know what that’s all about;

I saw them when they were both living, 

And when they had their brains blown out.

I was such a little girl then,

This place was once filled up with trees;

I can’t believe how old I’ve gotten,

The forest was all you could see.”

 

Then feeling glad we keep on walking,

But we both think while we are kissing,

“How close to us all the dead are, but,

How dead are we who are still living.”

 

So many great people now lie here,

And so many nobody knows;

We stand under trees so colossal,

We’re happy to look at those.

We walk along over to Hegel,

And visit who’s resting nearby;

Hanns Eisler, Wolf Langhoff, John Heartfield,

In the neighboring row they all lie.

 

And read on the gravestone of Becher

The beautiful words of his rhyme

Carved in a nice piece of sandstone,

I’m sure it’ll last a long time.

The sun pierces through all the branches,

The sparrows are running around;

We stop and embrace and start dancing

Right here on the green, green ground.

 

Then feeling glad we keep on walking,

But we both think while we are kissing,

“How close to us all the dead are, but,

How dead are we who are still living.”

 

3. Mondestrunken / Moondrunk 

We use our eyes to drink the wine

That flows in moonlight waves at nighttime,

And then it floods the quiet place where

Earth and heaven meet.

 

My longings, horrible and sweet

Are swimming in the flood, unending!

We use our eyes to drink the wine

That flows in moonlight waves at nighttime. 

 

The poet, in her reverence, 

Has swallowed too much holy moonlight,

She turns her head toward heaven in a trance

And staggers as she gulps down the wine

We use our eyes to drink. 

 

4. Colombine

The pale flowers of moonlight,

Those white miraculous roses,

Bloom in the summer nights

I want to pick just one!

 

‘Til I forget my suff’ring,

I search the murky river

For pale flowers of moonlight, 

Those white miraculous roses.

 

I’d fulfill all my longings,

If I could, secret, silent, 

So blissfully,

Bestow upon your brown hair

The pale flowers of moonlight!

 

Archival audio: Sylvia Rivera

 

5. Stolz / Pride

When we’d packed up, had our things together,

Clothing, luggage, beautiful dresses,

Soon we found a decent position,

A job as dancer in a cabaret.

It was in Memphis, the second big town we came to.

Oh, how hard it was for Anna. 

Beautiful clothes can make a good girl particular.

When a tiger sees 

Itself reflected while drinking,

You might find you’re in danger.

She began talking about art, of all things,

Of making art there, within the cabaret,

In Memphis, the second big town we came to. 

It wasn’t art that sort of people came for. 

That sort of people came for something else. 

And when a person’s paid for the evening

They expect a good show in return. 

So if you cover up your bosom and thighs like you had a rash, 

Don’t be surprised to see them yawning.

So I told my art-loving sister Anna, 

“Pride has been reserved for rich folks only,

Do what you are asked to do,

And not what you want, 

For that isn’t what is wanted!”

 

Oh, but I had trouble, I can tell you

With her fancy pig-headed notions.

Many nights I sat at her bedside,

Holding her hand and saying this: 

“Think of your home in Louisiana.”

 

Archival audio: bell hooks

 

6. Eine blasse Wäscherin / A Pale Washing Girl

Pale white, a washing girl

Washes faded clothes at nighttime,

Naked, silver-white she reaches

Out into the water below. 

 

Through a clearing creep the breezes,

Gently stirring up the stream. 

Pale white, a washing girl

Washes faded clothes at nighttime. 

 

And this gentle queen of heaven,

Now caressed by wispy branches,

Spreads out, on the darkened meadow,

All her linen woven with moonlight – 

Pale white, a washing girl. 

 

Narration: from Magnus Hirschfeld’s The Transvestites (1910)

 

7. Ilse 

I was fifteen and just a child then, 

So pure and innocent I was;

It drove my mind completely wild when

I first discovered what love does.

 

He smiled at me, and pulled me closer,

And then he whispered in my ear

As he so gently bent me over,

“I’m very, very glad I’m here!”

 

That’s how my life was changed forever,

I’ve loved all of them since that day;

And when I give them no more pleasure,

Please bury me within my grave!

 

8. Alabama Song 

 

Oh, show us the way

To the next whisky bar;

Oh, don't ask why!

For we must find

The next whisky bar;

For if we don't find

The next whisky bar,

I tell you we must die!

 

Oh, moon of Alabama,

We now must say goodbye;

We've lost our good old mama,

And must have whisky, oh, you know why!

 

Oh, show us the way

To the next pretty boy;

Oh, don't ask why!

For we must find

The next pretty boy;

For if we don't find

The next pretty boy,

I tell you we must die!

 

Oh, moon of Alabama,

We now must say goodbye;

We've lost our good old mama,

And must have pretty boys, oh, you know why!

 

Oh, show us the way

To the next little dollar;

Oh, don't ask why!

For we must find

The next little dollar;

For if we don't find

The next little dollar,

I tell you we must die!

 

Oh, moon of Alabama,

We now must say goodbye;

We've lost our good old mama,

And must have dollars, oh, you know why!

 

Narration: Friedrich Schiller, Wallenstein’s Death (1799), as quoted in Frank Wedekind’s Spirit of the Earth (1895)

 

9. Lied der Lulu (sung) / Lulu’s Song

 

If men have killed themselves for my sake,

That doesn’t make me worth any less. 

You knew this – why did you take me as your wife?

And I knew it – why did I take you as my husband?

You deceived your best friends with me,

You can’t deceive yourself with me as well. 

So you bring me the end of your life as a sacrifice,

You have had my entire youth in exchange for it. 

I have never in the world wanted to be something different than what I am,

Than what others took me for.

And people have never in the world taken me to be something different,

Than what I am.

 

10. Rote Messe / Red Mass

 

At a cruel communion,

Alit with blinding goldness,

Alit with flickering candles,

Walk to the altar, Pierrot!

 

The hand God consecrated

Destroys her sacred vestments

At a cruel communion

Alit with blinding goldness. 

 

While signing benediction,

Shows them, the fearful, trembling people,

The dripping crimson offering: 

Her heart in bloody fingers,

At a cruel communion. 

 

Narration: Angela Davis, Towards a Kantian Theory of Force (1969)

 

11. Pirate Jenny 

 

You people all watch me standing here upon this stage

And I hear what you say as you’re watching,

And you throw me a dollar, I pick it up from where it fell,

Just a dirty US dollar in this dirty old hotel,

But you’ve no idea who you’re watching,

No, you’ve no idea who you’re watching.

 

 

Then one night there’s a scream from the harbor

And you’ll wonder, “What the hell could that have been?”

And you’ll see me smiling at that dirty dollar,

And you’ll say, “Why the hell’s she got a grin?”

And a ship with eight sails

Will be there in the harbor,

Fifty guns on each side.

 

You pay me for a song, so I sing what you want to hear,

And you throw another dollar at the spotlight,

And I pick that one up too, and you stand up from your chair, 

Like you want to take my hand and lead me up the stairs,

But the truth is, we won’t sleep tonight.

No, not one of us will sleep tonight.

 

‘Cause that night we’ll hear a noise in the harbor,

And you’ll wonder, “What the hell could that have been?”

And you’ll see me as I smile in the moonlight

And you’ll wonder, “Why the hell’s she got that grin?”

As the ship with eight sails

Opens fire in the harbor

All fifty guns roar.

 

And perhaps you won’t enjoy what happens to us next

For I’m certain that you’ve never been prepared

To see the whole damn city crumbling down to the ground,

Just this dirty old hotel left standing safe and sound,

And then you’ll wonder, “Why the hell were we spared?”

Yes, I’m sure you’ll wonder why the hell you were spared.

And that night there’ll be screaming from all sides,

As you’re still wondering, “Why the hell were we spared?”

And in the morning I’ll walk calmly through the lobby

And then open up the door, ‘cuz I’m not scared,

And see the ship with eight sails,

Fifty guns at attention,

Raising up its black flag.

 

Then the sun starts to rise, and they, in hundreds, come ashore,

And what’s left of the city’s standing still,

They’ll move in the shadows where no one can see,

Pulling people from behind their doors, and then they’ll get to me,

And ask, “Which of you shall we kill?”

They’ll say, “Tell us, which of you shall we kill?”

We go down to the bay at the middle of the day,

As they ask, “Who of you will have to die?”

And then you’ll hear me as I calmly tell them, “All of us.”

And as fire, I’ll say, “— …”

And the ship with eight sails

Will reload all their guns,

And sail on down the coast.

 

Narration: Rosa Luxemburg, Order Reigns in Berlin (1919). Published the day before her assassination. 

 

12. Die Ballade vom Wasserrad / The Song of the Water Wheel

We’ve all had to read the stories

Of the great, the heroes of history,

How their stars rose in the heavens,

How they fell to earth just as swiftly.

 

That sounds nice, and it’s nice to read them.

But, the rest of us who work to feed them

Know that, sadly, this means one thing still is certain: 

While they rise and fall, we bear the burden.

 

Sure, the water wheel is always turning, 

What was once above now sinks below;

Sadly, for the water that’s beneath it, churning,

There’s nowhere else that it can go.

 

2

Ugh, we’ve had so many leaders,

Had both tigers and hyenas,

Some were pigs, ants and some, pig breeders,

But we fed them from the earth beneath us.

 

If things worsened, or if things got better,

Oh, each boot’s cut from the selfsame leather! 

There’s no difference as they walk upon us…

But I think you understand that we don’t need them, if we’re honest. 

 

Sure, the water wheel is always turning, 

What was once above now sinks below.

Sadly, for the water that’s beneath it, churning,

There’s nowhere else that it can go.

 

3

And before our watching eyes 

They battle over their victims,

Slandering each other, but calling themselves good guys,

Of course, that’s only fiction.

 

Every day we get to watch them shred each other,

Making history. Here’s the one and only 

Way to stop them – there is not another:

If we do not feed them we can leave them lonely.

 

For the water wheel won’t stop its turning

And we’ll play this little game until

Finally the water feels its own strength churning

And learns to follow its own will. 

 

13. Youkali 

It was almost at the end of the world,

My wandering boat,

Wandering at the whim of the waves,

Took me there one day.

The island is very small,

But the fairy who lives there

Gently invites us 

To go look around it.

Youkali,

It's the land of our desires 

Youkali,

It’s happiness, it's pleasure 

Youkali

It's the land where we leave all our worries behind 

It's, during our night, like a clearing in a cloudy sky, 

The star we follow,

It's Youkali!

 

Youkali,

It’s all the vows we exchanged being honored,

Youkali,

It’s the country of our beautiful lost loves,

It’s the hope 

That is in the heart of all humans,

The deliverance 

That we all hope will arrive tomorrow,

Youkali,

It’s the country of our desires,

Youkali,

It’s happiness, it’s pleasure.

But it’s a dream, a delusion,

There is no such thing as Youkali!

14. Wenn ich mal tot bin

When I’m dead, and, wearing a white silk dress

Lie in my coffin, with humility,

Then they’ll cancel school, and everyone will go to the churchyard,

The whole class will come to see me in the funeral chapel.

They’ll all look at me, when I’m dead,

When I’m dead, oh, that will be so lovely. 

 

When I’m dead, Pastor Eisenlohr will also come out,

He’ll recite a beautiful verse from his Bible for us,

“Whoever is without sin, let them throw the first stone,”

To me in my grave they’ll say, “Oh, the dear little angel!”

But me, I’ll lay completely still and silent, when I am dead,

When I’m dead, I’ll do what I want. 

 

When I’m dead, then my life will actually begin,

As I float through the sea of clouds in heaven,

The angels will sing, the strings will play,

And to receive me, they’ll all line up to meet me.

Oh man! They’ll make such a loud noise when I’m dead. 

When I’m dead, that’s the most beautiful day of my life!

Archival audio: Nicole, quoted in The Stroll (2023)

 

15. Urlicht / Original Light

O little red rose!

Humankind lay in the most urgent need!

Humankind lay in the greatest suffering!

I would much rather be in heaven!

Then I came unto a wide road,

Then an angel came and wanted to turn me away. 

Oh no, I won’t let myself be turned away!

I am from God and will return to God again!

The loving God will give me a little light,

Will light my way into an eternal blessed life!

 

Narration: Audre Lorde, Learning From The 60s (1982)

 

16. Macht kaputt was euch kaputt macht / Destroy What Destroys You

Radios play

Records play

Movies play

TVs play

Buy a trip

Buy a car

Buy a house

Buy furniture

For what?

 

Destroy what destroys you!

 

Trains roll

Dollars roll

Machines run

People toil

Build factories

Build planes

Build bombs

Build missiles

For who?

 

Destroy what destroys you!

 

Bombers fly

Tanks drive

Police shoot

Soldiers die

Protect the boss

Protect the shares

Protect the law

Protect the state

From us!

Destroy what destroys you!

 

17. Das Einheitsfrontlied / The Song of the United Front

And since you’re only human,

You know you’ll have to eat to stay alive;

You can’t fill up with empty words,

You’ll have to eat to survive!

 

So left, two, three, 

So left two three,

To the work that we must do;

Put yourself on the line with the working class,

Because you’re a worker, too!

 

And since you’re only human, 

You don’t like when a boot stands on your face!

You don’t seek to rule over anyone,

And want oppressors replaced.

 

So left, two, three,

So left, two, three,

To the work that we must do; 

Put yourself on the line with the working class,

Because you’re a worker, too!

 

And since we’re only human,

We know that no one else will set us free;

We’ll take our freedom for ourselves,

That’s what our work has to be!

 

So left, two, three,

So left, two, three,

To the work that we must do!

Put yourself on the line with all the oppressed

Because you are oppressed too!